As we were entering the Radiotherapy unit this morning she suddenly stopped and her knees just went and she looked like she was going down. Both my Aunt and I had a hold of her and at first I thought she was joking because it was so dramatic-she just started to collapse. As she went into the room for radiotherapy they got a wheelchair for her as she had another turn. Her test for a UTI came back positive and I was happy. I was happy because I suspected it; and happy because these symptoms could be attributed to a UTI and not the monsters inhabiting her brain.
I'm teary today and I don't want to be. I'm teary due to my less than tactful uncle telling me I use the word "love" too much. Yeah, I get criticized for using the word "love" I ignored him and my Aunt stuck up for me as usual.
But then I cried as I sat waiting for Mum to finish treatment because I started to talk about my brother asking me when I'm coming back. I haven't worked in over a month, I have bills and rent and am relying on people coming in to see to my cat everyday-it's a bit too much for me today.
My Aunt gets emotional when I do so I try not to cry but I'm pretty worn out. I'm so worried about back home and feel I can't leave my Mum so what do I do? I don't have any solutions and the weeks constantly roll on and problems get bigger.
I will fight this-I don't want to be weepy and worried and I certainly don't want my Mum to see me upset. I'll cry on my own time.