The Story Of A 29 Year Old British Girl Who Moved To LA To Make Her Dreams Come True; Only To Move Home To Care For Her Mother Diagnosed With Brain Cancer. Day-To-Day Thoughts, Updates, Love And Laughs (yes, I'm still allowed to laugh...)

Sunday, 5 January 2014

Sunday Funday...Or So I've Been Told...

My first blog of feels so shiny and new and different's just exactly the same.

Anyway, I woke up today after dreaming about rats-naturally I looked this up and found the following:

"Dreams about rats and mice usually reflect the worries which are "gnawing" you. Seeing a rat: you will go through some unpleasant experience with other people."

Cheers for that, subconscious. 

We were supposed to head out to a pub in the country today to get Mum out and give us a change of scenery. Dare I say it, I was actually looking forward to see another set of four walls and drinking some good beer.
I woke up and knew it would take a while to get mum ready as the end of radiotherapy has seen her lathery and fatigue get worse. I made her breakfast as usual and brought it upstairs. What follows was her complete inability to get out of bed.  She doesn't have any problem usually but it was as if she couldn't remember how to. 

I kept saying, 
"Just swing your legs out and push yourself up"
"I know...I can't, my back hurts" she'd reply

I finally had to pull her out and once she got up she seemed fine. She headed to the bathroom and I waited...and waited for her to get up and she simply couldn't. It was the most bizarre thing, she was talking to me coherently enough but just not able to get herself up; seeming to be a mix of tiredness and inability to figure out exactly how to stand up.

I ended up calling my aunt who had to come down and help me get her up and sat downstairs. Needless to say the pub (and my escape for a few hours) will have to wait.

Incidents like these are uncomfortable and awkward and frustrating for both parties. It is undignified for my mother and unpleasant to talk about. I don't particularly desire to go into a lot of the really unpleasant things you end up having to do when you are looking after someone on a 24 hour basis. In my case they are things you never imagined or wanted to have to do for your parent, but this is what comes in hand in hand with caring for someone on a daily basis.

We had been warned that the effects of radiation will become worse before it gets better, and what's ironic is that she was in better shape during radiotherapy than she is now it has ended.  She seems ever so out of it and distant. 

Today I even asked her rhetorically,

"Where have you gone Mum?" 
She sighed and said, "I'm not sure darling, I don't know..."

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