The Story Of A 29 Year Old British Girl Who Moved To LA To Make Her Dreams Come True; Only To Move Home To Care For Her Mother Diagnosed With Brain Cancer. Day-To-Day Thoughts, Updates, Love And Laughs (yes, I'm still allowed to laugh...)

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

I Can't Be Blue, I Have You...And You...And You

All these posts are about me, my life, my problems...blah blah blah. Granted, this is a blog that began life as my open diary but this post is about how YOU allow me to cope with days like these.

I was in tears before midday-not a good omen for the day to come. It all got a little too much today, I woke up exhausted, stressed,teary and worried (and that's before I'd even crawled out of bed)
Many of you beautiful birdies are in similar situations to me, or have been, and you will understand what I mean when out of nowhere it can all get a bit too much.

It was hard getting her out of bed and I just seemed completely useless. My aunt turned up unexpectedly and I just said tearfully, 
"I need to go upstairs"
I went and just cried. I just needed time. Time to sit alone, not talk to anyone and just cry. 
There were so many things on my mind, I couldn't even list them to you.

My aunt told me to just stay in my room and have some time to myself as she dressed my mum and I did.
I hadn't felt so despondent since mum first came home-I think things are taking their toll. However, I had no choice but to get myself together after my aunt left and I did-and it was thanks to you.

I sat in my room staring at the unexpected hole I found in my leggings, and thought about your emails; your tweets, your comments on Instagram and as cliched as it may sound it gave me the energy to get off my arse and carry on. 

This shitty, shitty situation in my life cannot be drowned in my self pity it is about making my mother the priority and make life as amazing as possible; and you all are making that happen.

When I see emails from you telling me your most personal stories, when I read your tweets, from continents away, telling me you are sat by your mother's bedside in her last hours-it makes me feel just that little less alone.  
It makes me realize other people are going through extreme struggles too and I cannot falter in making my mum's life as happy as possible. 

No one is exempt from pain-we simply have different levels of it. So, if you are reading this and you are feeling as though you've had enough-it's ok to feel that way-I may never have met you but I'm here listening, the way you have listened to me. 
Strangers can become the best listeners and thank you for continuing to listen to me.

If you feel like allowing me to return the favor, contact me here and let's make life a little bit more beautiful. Thank you x

Twitter: @TheBirdWillSing
Instagram: @TheBirdsThatSingAtNight


  1. As always. Sad, beautiful and inspirational. Stay strong young lady.

    1. With support from amazing people like you-how can I fail? Xxx

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  3. Everyone has their problems. Sometimes life can feel like a series of struggles string together with pieces of hope. Knowing that we're not alone, that others suffer yet fight, worry yet find it in themselves to smile, acts as the life raft we all occasionally need to cling to. Stay strong - which also means cry when you need to. That's a kind of strength to.

    1. Thank you for your support Andy, it really does mean so much to me and helps me get through the day.
      You are right, those salty tears can sometimes release so much. Xxx

  4. Ignore weird comment above mine: blogger tried to sign me in with an old, now unused blog address which I can't now delete! It also seemed to not want me to edit the grammatical bilge from my comment- hope the gist wil suffice! Andy

  5. Beautiful, honest post. We all struggle at times and it does us the world of good to share. Well done you x

    1. Thank you Kate, and thank you for reading.
      No one is exempt from pain, we just all have to figure out a way to deal with it that keeps us away from the border of insanity! Don't be a stranger xxx


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