It's hard to know where to start to fill you in on what's happened, but the beginning would probably be a good idea.
I've been absent from these pages for around 6 weeks now. A couple of days after my last post my uncle suggested booking a ticket back to LA with the return date coinciding with a meeting with the consultant to examine the results of her scan after radiotherapy. My uncle and I went into Manchester, booked the ticket and within 2 days I was on a plane back to the US.
Leaving mum had one blessing, and that was that her emotions and reactions had become so stunted that she didn't cry or show any sadness at me leaving. Her state upon leaving had declined somewhat-which we all thought was due to the after effects of radiation. Mum was having weakness in her legs and was finding it harder to get downstairs, some days she was talking less, but still my mum; and hopefully coming through the back end of the radiotherapy.
I prepared to leave with everything in place I could. I went grocery shopping and packed the fridge, freezer and cupboards with all mum's favorites. We had carers in place four times a day-becaus carers were coming in to prepare food for mum unfortunately, it all had to be microwaveable (except breakfast). I hated this idea-but I understand, carers have limited time and it needs to be ready to go.
I wrote out menu's for the next couple of weeks, I left printed out instructions for morning, lunch, dinner and bed. A sheet just about mum, her weak side, what she likes and doesn't like etc. The district nurse, social workers, carers etc. had all this info, medicine etc. but, I wanted to remind anyone new.
Example of my Post-It note labeling frenzy in the kitchen:
My aunt and the wonderful M & M (next door neighbors) as well as other neighbors would be popping in.
I tried to prepare myself to leave by keeping busy, making sure everything was as in place as possible (with the obvious HUGE help of my aunt-who was the one with the major responsibility)
While packing and digging out my passport and green card that were dusting up after my weeks back in the UK; I concentrated on getting back to LA and figuring out how I was going to pay all the bills stacked up, where I was going to get some work and how I was going to cope with the guilt.
The night before I left, I stayed up as late as possible packing-hoping I'd be so tired when I woke to leave I wouldn't feel so torn.
When I woke, it was time to say goodbye...
TO BE CONTINUED...