The Story Of A 29 Year Old British Girl Who Moved To LA To Make Her Dreams Come True; Only To Move Home To Care For Her Mother Diagnosed With Brain Cancer. Day-To-Day Thoughts, Updates, Love And Laughs (yes, I'm still allowed to laugh...)

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Getting Used To The Most Unusual Things

Hello Birdies,

I hope the weekend treated you well.

I've been back in the UK about two weeks now and it just occurred to me how quickly we can become used to something that you previously thought would be so unbearable.

I am used to not hearing my mother talk.

I am used to feeding my mother.

I am used to my mother holding a golf ball in each hand to grip when the tremors from her steroids get too much.

I am used to brushing my mother's teeth and combing her hair.

I am used to seeing a scar the stretches from ear to ear across my mother's scalp where the surgeon removed part of her brain tumor.

I don't want to be used to this, I don't want this to be the way things are, but it is and I am used to it. This makes the isolation so much worse. You can try to explain to people how you feel, what is going on at home, how you sleep at night, but it often seems so impossible for anyone to really "get it" you give up.

It is a hard feeling to beat. The question rings in your conscious, "why attempt to explain the inexplicable?"

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