Remember me? I'm that one girl that writes about lip gloss, Louboutins and lashes. Actually-I write about a subject a lot less vapid and a lot more depressing-cancer.
Well, it has certainly been a while. Hmmm, there is a lot to catch up on since I last made an entry. I will start at the beginning the best I can-without making a dissertation out of it-and fill you in on where I am now.
Well, after leaving Mum in March to return to The States, I had booked a return back to UK at the end of August. My Aunt reassured me, that I needed to go back and try to return to my life in Los Angeles. Plus, I seriously needed to work-it really adds to the pile of emotional stress caring for a parent when you add on transatlantic plane fares and the upkeep of an apartment and all the bills that go with it all while being 6000 miles away. And you can't work.
Going back is always such a cornucopia of guilt, sadness, worry, relief (and then guilt for feeling relief) happiness in seeing your friends, familiar things and ecstasy at getting back your social life-which of course comes with more guilt.
I wanted (and needed) to get back to work ASAP, so I called my agency and said "dudes, I'm broke-let's land me a national commercial and we'll all be happy" Actually, I just told them I was back-but that's what I was thinking.
They were great and got me working a lot-I worked on a fabulous new Zach Galifinakis movie (he is a ridiculously nice guy by the way) booked a couple of beer commercials (are they trying to tell me something?) and was lucky enough to work on the "True Blood" finale-Sadly, I signed a confedentiality agreement or I would spill all the details here. All in all I was getting quite a lot of work and desparately trying to seek out distractions-some healthy-others,not so much;but I will get into that more later....
Being 6000 miles away-you have the advantage of not being face to face with the disease and the constant every day challenges that faced Mum. I set an alarm to call my aunt every morning at 8am my time-it was 3pm UK time and at that time every day my aunt was at my Mum's house. My aunt was going down to my mum's house, help with laundry, groceries, clean the house and deal with everything concerning carers, doctors, district nurses...the list goes on. My aunt is 70-a very young 70, may I add-but she has her house, but husband who also has cancer-the stress of it all was really getting too much, I could tell.
The carers come in 4 times a day, district nurses every other day, and there would always be an issue with mum that my aunt would have to deal with, called down to the house to deal with-over the phone, I could really do nothing and felt helpless, despondent and don't forget guilty.
I was progressively waking up to more txts from my aunt that weren't bringing any good news. In the past few weeks Mum had been having seizures, one very big one and she was taken into the local hospital. As you know, Mum is completely bed bound so getting her to and from hospital was a nightmare.
Two weeks ago I spoke with my aunt and I knew it was time to come back. My aunt really seemed to be at her wits end. Mum had another seizure, was sleeping more and becoming less responsive. As life goes, my agency had just got me a week on a new FX show "You're The Worst" but of course Mum comes before anything so I called and explained the situation and changed my flight. It was all last minute, something I have got so used to. Before I knew it, I was headed back to LAX to fly home. And then came the flight....now that was the epitome of a nightmare. Champagne, beer, Xanex and an emotional breakdown do not mix....but that is for the next entry.....
Well, it has certainly been a while. Hmmm, there is a lot to catch up on since I last made an entry. I will start at the beginning the best I can-without making a dissertation out of it-and fill you in on where I am now.
Well, after leaving Mum in March to return to The States, I had booked a return back to UK at the end of August. My Aunt reassured me, that I needed to go back and try to return to my life in Los Angeles. Plus, I seriously needed to work-it really adds to the pile of emotional stress caring for a parent when you add on transatlantic plane fares and the upkeep of an apartment and all the bills that go with it all while being 6000 miles away. And you can't work.
Going back is always such a cornucopia of guilt, sadness, worry, relief (and then guilt for feeling relief) happiness in seeing your friends, familiar things and ecstasy at getting back your social life-which of course comes with more guilt.
I wanted (and needed) to get back to work ASAP, so I called my agency and said "dudes, I'm broke-let's land me a national commercial and we'll all be happy" Actually, I just told them I was back-but that's what I was thinking.
They were great and got me working a lot-I worked on a fabulous new Zach Galifinakis movie (he is a ridiculously nice guy by the way) booked a couple of beer commercials (are they trying to tell me something?) and was lucky enough to work on the "True Blood" finale-Sadly, I signed a confedentiality agreement or I would spill all the details here. All in all I was getting quite a lot of work and desparately trying to seek out distractions-some healthy-others,not so much;but I will get into that more later....
Being 6000 miles away-you have the advantage of not being face to face with the disease and the constant every day challenges that faced Mum. I set an alarm to call my aunt every morning at 8am my time-it was 3pm UK time and at that time every day my aunt was at my Mum's house. My aunt was going down to my mum's house, help with laundry, groceries, clean the house and deal with everything concerning carers, doctors, district nurses...the list goes on. My aunt is 70-a very young 70, may I add-but she has her house, but husband who also has cancer-the stress of it all was really getting too much, I could tell.
The carers come in 4 times a day, district nurses every other day, and there would always be an issue with mum that my aunt would have to deal with, called down to the house to deal with-over the phone, I could really do nothing and felt helpless, despondent and don't forget guilty.
I was progressively waking up to more txts from my aunt that weren't bringing any good news. In the past few weeks Mum had been having seizures, one very big one and she was taken into the local hospital. As you know, Mum is completely bed bound so getting her to and from hospital was a nightmare.
Two weeks ago I spoke with my aunt and I knew it was time to come back. My aunt really seemed to be at her wits end. Mum had another seizure, was sleeping more and becoming less responsive. As life goes, my agency had just got me a week on a new FX show "You're The Worst" but of course Mum comes before anything so I called and explained the situation and changed my flight. It was all last minute, something I have got so used to. Before I knew it, I was headed back to LAX to fly home. And then came the flight....now that was the epitome of a nightmare. Champagne, beer, Xanex and an emotional breakdown do not mix....but that is for the next entry.....
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