The Story Of A 29 Year Old British Girl Who Moved To LA To Make Her Dreams Come True; Only To Move Home To Care For Her Mother Diagnosed With Brain Cancer. Day-To-Day Thoughts, Updates, Love And Laughs (yes, I'm still allowed to laugh...)

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Champagne, Beer, Emotional Brit and 11 Hours On A Plane Do Not Mix

I got to LAX pretty much on auto pilot. I seem to be here so often, never for anything to look forward to and usually $800 poorer.

As usual, the flight was packed and the lines through security were long, slow and suicide inducing. Getting through them, I usually go to one of the lounges (contrary to popular belief you can buy a day pass into 1st class lounges very cheaply)but this time I walked into the only place in the shitty lounge area that sold alcohol-an equally shitty bar- and ordered a pint. Gulping down the Blue Moon I listened to the disgustingly happy group next to me speaking excitedly about their trip to Ireland. I'm not ashamed to say I felt jealous and bitter. I just looked at them and wanted to be as care free as they were; being in an airport excited to land and go on an adventure. I feel as though I'm never away from  airports yet never on holiday. I just fantasize about going  on a vacation. Not feeling sick at the thought of another trip to nowhere.

So, due to feeling seriously sorry for myself, I downed another pint...and another.  *Bad Idea Beginning* I got on the plane pretty buzzed to say the least and I was sat  upstairs at the very back in the middle of a three. The man to my right, next to the window, I clocked immediately as being an arsehole. Slightly presumptuous you may think, but COMPLETELY accurate. I can usually tell a lot about a person very quickly-I'm rarely wrong about people- except boyfriends, I'm pretty much wrong about them 100% of the time, but that is another story for another time....

I was finishing sending txts and made a quick phone call to J and got off the phone when Mr Dick next to started huffing and puffing. Here's the deal, if you like to act like economy is below you DONT FLY ECONOMY-Mr Dick certainly thought he was on another level and he was already pissing me off.
The beer was really kicking in as take off began, and due to my mild drunkeness and small bladder, I decided I was going to pee myself if I didn't get to the toilet, so stood up and beelined for the bathroom behind me. The stewardess quite rightly told me to sit down as I declared to the entire section of  the plane "but I REALLY need to pee!" I sat down, crossed my legs and hoped for the best. The man on my left assured me he would jump up as soon as seat belt signs went off. He did , and I already knew he was the polar opposite of Mr Dick to my right.

The story now spirals into shame, tears and embarrassment-but this blog is nothing but honest, so, for fear of total humiliation, I will continue with this tale....
I proceeded to order a beer, and another then thought it would be a genius idea to order a mini bottle of  champagne for one.  I remember barely eating my food on the plane (can it even be classified as food anyway?) and I just suddenly realized how drunk I was and every emotion I had been suppressing in the past few days just came pouring out. I began talking to Mr Dick next to me and he seemed fine and I began asking him the usual boring travelling questions and some point during this I began to tell him my tale and why I was heading back to the UK. He faked being interested and sympathetic and in hindsight I should have stopped there, but I think I was so scared, lonely and depressed (and drunk,don't forget drunk) I kept talking. The next thing I remember is him offering me a Xanex  (who gives a drunk stranger on a plane Xanex?) which I said yes to-but the gods intervened and I dropped it. I got on my knees trying to find this tab, removing the seat and god knows what else when I realized I had spilt my remaining champagne on him. He jumped up and started calling me everything under the sun and demanded the stewards move him. I was apologizing and crying and he simply said "you're a drunk, stop annoying me"

I got all his belongings that were next to me and handed them to him and he just laughed at me.
Ok, I fully understand how annoying I must have been and I'd have been pissed off too-but he said such cruel, cruel things to me I ended up having a full blown melt down. I was sobbing uncontrollably, trying to stifle my sobs as I realized drunk people on planes get fucking arrested, and curled up into a ball as Mr Dick went to First Class.
I was an idiot for drinking that much, I shouldn't have done what I did and I completely embarrassed myself, but I had just told this man I was flying home because my Mum was dying and he called me awful names. My saving grace was the man to my right, he was so very kind to me, he stopped me from doing something even worse-that would most certainly have got me on the no fly list. It ended up he worked at Forest Lawn cemeteries, a macabre twist of fate; but was used to dealing with people-admittedly probably not as drunk as me....Anyway he calmed me down and told me that man will get his karma for being so disgusting towards me and said "empathy should be a necessity".

What can I say? I was a drunken emotional mess, but Mr Dick was a cold bastard who wanted to be upgraded anyway and he got his wish.... I fell asleep eventually waking up as the plane landed with a sore head, dehydrated, full of shame and never wanting to drink again. Most definitely the worst flight of my life, but I haven't drank any alcohol since and can't imagine for a long time. I needed a wake up call with my drinking and maybe this was it. Silver lining anyone?


  1. The guy was obviously a complete knob. You are going through the most fraught emotional journey. It can also be a lonely one, no matter how many people you have around you. I know because I went on the same journey when my beautiful mother succumbed to breast cancer when I was 21. You aren't a machine. You are going to have these blips and that is all this was. A blip. Someone with a nano of empathy beside you and this flight would have been fine. Keep up the great work with the blog. As well it being thought provoking and inspiring for us, the readers.... I believe it will be a cathartic and spiritually rewarding experience for you. May your Mum find peace and you find strength. Much empathy x

  2. Rod,
    Thank you so much for your comment. I am so terribly sad you endured the pain of losing your mother at such a young age. In life we need a lot more empathy and love-thank you for yours x


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