When The Doctor Calls...

Out of nowhere a man pulls up outside of my mum's house riding a motorbike and comes towards the door. I'm thinking, this reminds me of an episode of  'Crime Watch' you know, when someone has a "hit" on them and a man in a motorbike helmet comes to the door and shoots them. Luckily for me it wasn't a hitman, it was mum's doctor. (Yes-I've been watching too much true crime recently)

I wasn't expecting the doctor, and certainly not on a motorbike-Anyway, he is a great doctor and came in to check on mum. Mum has secretions on her chest which can lead to pneumonia so the district nurses had prescribed an injection to be given twice a day to reduce the secretions. 

The doctor listened to mum's chest and asked a few questions. When he began to ask if we had found anywhere for mum  e.g. a home or hospice the tears began again. I think I've tried every trick in the book to stop crying in the past few months; deep breaths, looking up to the ceiling, laughing it off-none of it works-and it didn't work today. 

I told the doctor that there were no beds in any of the places we have looked in to. Believe it or not, the hospice is preferable to a home. My aunt and uncle have been in touch with most of the homes and there are no beds, the same with the hospice. The hospice is more like a hospital with the comfort level of being at home. The word "hospice" used to scare me, now I feel comfort within it. If mum can't be in her home because she needs extra care, I want her there.

The doctor left a letter entitled "Statement Of Intent". This is a form a GP leaves with a patient stating that the patient has days to live and a death certificate can be issued. I've never heard  of this before, and wish I still hadn't.

I pulled out the form after the doctor had gone and I read it. I knew I shouldn't, I knew I didn't need to see it in black and white but I did, and this is what it said:

"Statement Of Intent to issue a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death"

The first line after this begins, "This patient is expected to die within the next few days"

These words are so horrific. These words could have been written in blood or etched into skin and their impact could not be any more great.